> Shrouded in darkness;

~~Saturday, March 14, 2015~~

10:19

Fine as it seemed. Little by little changes hits in. I have lost myself. Why get impacted so hard? Why affected by it so much? To the point I cannot answer them. To go back the way it was, I can't find the way. Desire for sleep, to go into a place where I don't have to think about it. Waking up was a torture. Because I know, the you in the past who liked me, was not strong. Thus it can diffuse without warning and its not hurtful. My like, was far too much. Too much that it affects myself to the point, I have lost myself. Everything seemed unfamiliar. Seemed distant. You said love doesn't have to be in possess of something. But what do you know. You had your memories with your ex. You shared the wonderful times you had with her. I could only listen. And suppress on my feelings. I, do not have that kind of experience. This regret, tainted my heart. It went cold. Unable to beat like how it used to.

Regrets after regrets. Should have lied. Should have suppressed. Should have acted stupid. Should have acted as if nothing was going on.

Will you ever notice me...

~~Sunday, March 8, 2015~~

17:46

Questions kept pouring on me. There is no 'if' in life. the events that had occurred exist. Life has no safe point where you can restart from the last checkpoint you want. It just goes on. Blow that has been dealt will leave a scar that no medicine can heal it. Regrets come by when you realize everything make sense from all the bits and pieces from past events being pieced up together.

Noticed the change in you, but you didn't feel that you have changed. It's because only the other party who felt the changes in you knows it themselves. They become frustrated. They become pissed. Because what it had used to be, was gone like the wind. They want to say out. They want to voice out. But they were being denied. By the time of realization of the reason of the change, it was too late. Agony struck as one knows the cause of this infliction. Oneself. Time cannot be reversed.

You didn't confessed in the past. Because you were a coward. While others pluck up the courage to do so from being forced into a corner, a flat rejection given. Denial was the last to be ever heard. Things will never be the same again.

Life goes on, Strong front to let others assume one is fine. Having the thought that one is the source of the situation will one carry the pain through life. Time will heal they say. Time is all you need they say. We shall see how incredible this so called time they claim to be able to heal anything.

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, March 4, 2015~~

00:14

Wow, can't believe I actually retrieved back this blog after so many years (around 4).

Time flies, things changed, people come, people go. Looking back from the posts memories flood back in. Though those are memorable and missing those times back then, the memories will always be cherished in my heart, to have the current me right now. Along the way in life, many things happen. And these are the events that can actually trigger bit by bit changes in each of us, changing and molding us into a better person. Downfalls happens. Mistakes made. But these are the things that makes people stronger than who they are before. Still staying strong after what happened a week ago. The smile will cover all traces of heart ache and lost soul.

-Will it ever heal-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, June 22, 2011~~

20:36

Today morning had course registration. Not bad managed to get the time slots i want. My clique din get the one and only time slot that we all aiming for :( but at least got 1 person i noe tat is same lab session as me so still ok. I hope i get forensic sci as my elective *pray hard*

Afternoon met up with my uni clique and we had buffet outing at cathay. Ate so much x.x add up with the stuffs i ate in M'sia trip I'm really going fat must control if not gg. Time to exercise!!

-sits ups and squats-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Monday, June 20, 2011~~

20:37

-reviving again-

haven been blogging for ages. time flies half a yr went by. just came back from m'sia trip 2 days ago. it was both fun n sway lmao. tis is wad happens:

Day 1:

Set off at 9am to m'sia in car (dad drove). We had a hard time setting the destination on e GPS. Cant find e exact name on e GPS end up its cuz we forgot to switch map to m'sia+sg. After setting den we start our journey to Genting. During the journey in m'sia highway, my dad's car was stopped by e police n got fined for speeding -.- talk abt sway on e 1st day haven reach destination already got bad things happening. Ok nvm we continued our journey n its so freaking boring in the car. Dun dare to talk to my dad he so fierce -.- had my music to acc me.

We reached Genting at around 4, checked in and dump our luggage in e room. The room lol got to say its kinda pathetic small. Had dinner at 1 of the food stall. Its so god damn ex plus not very nice either. We just walk around the resort building den went back to e room at around 12am. Shared a room with my mom n my bro shared with my dad (gl to him) =x

Day 2:

Fresh day n we went for breakfast (buffet). The food was lol not nice either n dad says its worse den army camp o.o the nasi lemak lmao its just plain rice no need to put the name so nice.

In the afternoon, went to the theme park with my bro. Had trouble finding the 1st ride which is a roller coaster ride called 'flying dragon'. Wasted 30mins when we finally found it, they say its under maintenance -.- ok nvm so we went to find other rides. On the 4th ride, which is a water thriller ride called 'water flume', right after the cart went down the slope we were totally wet n it started to rain heavily. It was so bad that all ride's operation stopped. Too bad can't play anymore. So we went back to the hotel, done some shopping with our super wet clothes then went back to our room.

We had buffet dinner (buffet again im going fat liao). The buffet was good way better than the breakfast. After dinner, dad n mom went to e casino while my bro n i went shopping (again ><) lol. Din really shop we just walk around n talk till 11+pm we went back to our room.

Day 3:

Had the horrible buffet breakfast again. They din even bother to change the menu of the day the food were the same as the day before. After that we packed our stuffs and head for KL. This time the hotel room was woah god damn big. The biggest room i ever saw so far in all my trips.

Ok dinner no more buffet, went to a bak kut teh shop near our hotel. My bro n i dk how to eat that so we ordered some chu char to eat - egg, calamari, fried rice n 1 more dish i forgot. After that we went to Times Square, a 10 storey high shopping mall O.O its like omg de big. It even had an indoor theme park. The roller coaster inside is -.- track damn long n the train move so fast.

Day 4:
Omg im really going to put on alot of weight buffet breakfast again. Let's see i think i ate 6 eggs in 4 days -.-

After that we went to KL tower. Dad says its 15mins walk to the tower but mom say she dun want to walk she wants dad to drive. End up we got lost, make so many detours and end up at the place in 1h 30mins haiz. Went to the observation tower at the KL tower. The lift moves so fast lol 1min reached the top. Dad enjoy his scenery view while the 3 of us just sit around n wait lol (we dun enjoy tis kind of stuff). After that went to the mini zoo. Most of the animals there are snakes n spiders. Not just any spiders they're big and hairy omg *goosebumps*

things are cheaper there (obviously). Had seafood dinner at 1 of the seafood stalls along the streets. Its superb nice and cheap!! Way nicer den SG. After that we went to their Chinatown. It's similar to SG's Chinatown except that'Prada', 'Gucci', 'LV' purses selling at RM10-20 lol.. confirm fakes.

Reached our hotel room, suddenly had serious hives. My whole body swelled with swellings like i've been stung by thousands of bees -.- plus i having cramps below my stomach area. Pain+Itch to death zzz worst night of my life. -Sleep in an awkward position-

Day 5:

Last day in M'sia. Packed our stuff n checked out. Dad drove to KLCC n we just walk around. Bought 2 jeans (old ones starting to have holes D: ) Den Set off back to SG. Doze off along the way. Bro's the best he's sleeping beauty every car trip he oso sleep *claps*

We stopped at JB n had chu char dinner. Kinda ex n not that nice compared to KL's seafood. Went to the last shopping centre in M'sia in this trip and walk around. Bought some movies and animes. Well tats the end of the entire trip~

-heads back to home n knock off-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Tuesday, January 11, 2011~~

21:07

well today went for an audition for my elective. ytd i checked e venue e stupid online map direct me to point A. today i went den its like how come so ulu so one de. den i checked e class its oso diff i faster rush to e other venue tat i tot it might be.

in e end reach e actual venue there's no one. i want bang wall waste 2h travelling for nth. but when i turned around i saw a cher he ask me if i looking for smth den i told him abt e elective. he said cuz there's a typo in e mail he sent to students n e audition ended 2h ago, so he'll help me to talk to e cher in charge for e elective. coincidence lol. if i had came for e actual venue instead of e wrong 1 would i have met e cher? idk if i heng or sway. sway would be i ran around finding e venue n was damn tired. heng would be i found e cher which might let me in e elective.

on e way home my mum ask me to get smth from ntuc. while queueing there's tis super fierce uncle o.o cuz e basket counter 1 and 2 just opened and he was queueing at 3 and 4 n e space for queue is very small. den tis lady want to go to e basket counter for payment den e uncle scold her say y she nv queue just cut like tat den like tat everyone oso just dun queue just cut like tat. fierce sia. e lady just walk back quietly n queue at e back. but i think she's not actually at wrong cuz e counter just open n e line queued was for 3 and 4. ke lian de xiao jie its not her day.

reach home damn tired. i think im getting a cold zzz. k i think tats all for today

*pray hard i get into e elective*

Will you ever notice me...

~~Sunday, January 9, 2011~~

18:43

today is sunday lazing around at hse nth much to do haiz. noon my bro collected his award n took some pic with him. e event did have some refreshment but we ate breakfast not so long ago so we just went off.

den after tat went cp with my bro he wants to buy stationary from popular. den we passed by mini toons my bro say he sad cant buy anymore soft toys if not ltr cashier laugh at him. i told him he buy oso nvm lol cuz ppl will think he buying for his gf (but he actually buying for himself). his class damn shocking lots of girls. no. of boys:no. of girls=1:3. ke lian e boys. anyways my bro happy lo so many girls surrounding him can slowly choose who he wants.

tml meeting someone =3 *looks forward*

Will you ever notice me...

~~Saturday, January 1, 2011~~

13:31

A new yr has arrived n on e 1st day of a new yr im sick again.. damn tis flu virus. its doesnt seems like a new yr it feels like any normal days. hmm.. i guess my new yr resolutions would be:

1) staying healthy
2) cutting down my weight
3) do smth abt my skin
4) getting better results to pull up my gpa
5) getting e electives tat i want instead of some shit electives like in sem 1
6) another peaceful yr w/o any troubles

i guess there's more resolutions. humans r greedy after all lol want to have more den wad they have.

uni break has passes 2 weeks. stayed at home rot in front of e com all day n its so sian. go out is a can but ppl around me will feel bored with me cuz idk how to entertain n wad to talk abt. ppl think tat im antisocial but tats not really it. im not e type tat can talk freely abt things n to start topic to talk abt anytime anywhere. well.. im used to getting misunderstood for yrs.

anyways happy 2011 to all n hope u all have a good yr ahead.

Will you ever notice me...

~~Friday, December 24, 2010~~

23:06

Just revived from blogdead. time seems to fly so fast n its nv enough time to do wad u wanted. 20 yrs have passed n i still haven found wad i really wanted in life.

uni life was tough. dk if can make it for econs or not econs paper was killer its e 1st time for an exam tat more den 80% of e paper idk how to do. its definately gg to pull down my gpa. shit tis econs. *burn econs notes for bbq fire*

Recently life is in a mess. everything dun go well e way i had wanted. quarrels. fights. misunderstandings. im sick n tired of tis kind of pathetic life. y cant life be in drama or fairytail with e theme of 'happy ever after' where we wont need to worry abt backstabbers or betrayers.

tml's xmas. another normal day again. n yr is ending soon. another yr had passed n new memories accumulated. happy. sad. anger. frustrations. moments of life will always be in my heart. n tis yr its kinda of a painful yr with the lost 1 of family member. but tis will make us stronger n bond tgt.

-emo-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, January 27, 2010~~

23:24

wa liu.. how hard can writing one sci report be x.x nv knew it was so hard to write out on my own. cuz in e past mostly at least can discuss with friends for some pts to be included but my MP im soloing e report ~.~ dk wad to inclue n wad not too so many results see till my eyes pak jiao liao @.@

finally finished materials and methods.. now stuck at results.. dk wad to put n write abt e results. si bei fan .___. feel like doing tis right now

haiz... even if i do it oso no use all my hardwork inside ~.~ if not redo everything i will end up in woodbridge lol can come n visit me at e free chalet o.O

oh well.. i'll rest for e day n pia tml

nights all~

Will you ever notice me...

~~Thursday, January 14, 2010~~

23:13

haiz.. too busy le blog abit dead liao.. pia-ing project now dun want to drag it till last min den chiong till 3-4am everyday ~.~

good news for me is... ... its 6 more working days to e end of attachment!!! woots! faster faster end i want slp at home~ no need to wake up early in e morning den travel for 2 bloody hrs to work (plus standing all e way recently x.x too many ppl taking mrt liao.. sk station nia cabins 3/4 fulled). faster pls faster end i want stay at home concentrate on my report =.= everyday reach home at 7+pm den after eating dinner n bathing can only start at 8pm.. den mum siao one wants me to go to bed at 10 ==ll where gt enough time to finish la... dun care her i just continue with my work she want flare let her flare.

ok gg to continue with tis last report den can start on e poster.. den after presentation is over can slack for at least 5 months shiok ar~ when tat time comes den say ~.~

-tired 24/7-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Saturday, November 28, 2009~~

22:41

today nv went to visit ah ma. stayed at home sot in front of com n psp. ok la nv rot cuz i enjoyed e game anyway =x my bro today siao liao chiong maple so fast =.= within 2 hrs lvl up from 37-45 crazy sia.. i nv train so fast so far n he can lvl so fast omg.

been reading manga n playing psp games/audi/maple for e whole afternoon. now pia-ing MP workbook x.x play until totally forgot abt it.

-enjoying long weekend-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, November 25, 2009~~

20:51

lols its since almost a week i last blogged. nth much happened recently. just tat i got burnt by some stupid steam from e autoclave two days ago ==ll now not pain le but e mark getting more chao da ~.~ looks like a big orbaka.

nowadays e company's canteen de food very early already out of stock.. its only 12.30pm nia no more food -.- have is have but e leftovers... eww nth to say.. cold+not nice lol.. n its not worth for e price to pay for e food.

tis week is 4 day week shiok got long weekend. can use e time to update my MP workbook still got 2 months worth de experiments haven update ~.~ everyday come home super tired drop straight on bed after dinner. cham ar sure gain weight x.x already gained 2kg since started my SIP..

tis week is week 11 for SIP 8 more weeks to go to e end of SIP!! *countdown*
faster faster end i want to rest~

-half asleep-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, November 18, 2009~~

21:28

great just great ytd e incident just happen only today got a new project from my supervisor.. now have to juggle with 2 projects simultaneously ==ll plus its not e project tat he told me when i 1st came in e lab its a totally new project tat i din even include inside my proposal -.- haiz tat means i have to redo my intro n lit review... SIAN AR!!!

still at 3rd of of MP for my workbook.. 2 months n 16 days - weekends n public holiday worth of experiments to be updated ==ll argh feel like banging e wall...

-tired-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Tuesday, November 17, 2009~~

20:36

ok gotta say its being a very bad day.. chaos in e lab because of some stupid act smart ppl who dun want admit their mistakes n made everyone in e lab irritated. si bei pissed off -.-

today is already e most busiest day n yet even more work was piled up to me.. only get a half an hr break for e whole working day.. almost worked OT n leave at 6.30pm instead of 5.30pm ==ll if it werent with e help of my friends or my mentor today i might take e last bus which is at 8pm from my company n reach home at 10 =.=ll nth can express my frustration in e lab just now. just cuz i finished my work a little late 'someone' came talking to me wad i have beed doing.. i tried telling him e reasons behind but i dun think he get wad im saying n 'lecture' me.. idk but im getting more stress n pressure after working alone from 'someone'.. brokedown at lab today after tat incident.. y im not strong enough to hold back my tears.. felt so dumb...

-breakdown frustration-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Monday, November 16, 2009~~

21:56

haiz work work work.. getting more n more stress.. *white hair+wrinkles* argh F5 cant wait for tis stress to be over with a nice holiday waiting for me. im kinda working aimlessly..

not knowing y my exp results getting worse n worse. trying to figure out a reasonable explanation out of my head ~.~ wad could be e reason?! *flip table* hen fan nao ar! keep redo-ing but dk y keep getting bad results.. all pre-cautions i have already taken.. wad could be wrong with my exp. wad i did/shld not do tat had caused tis to happen argh... tian ar gao shu wo~

these few days freaking cold sia ~.~ dunno is it tat im gg to be sick again or wad. everyday bathe use power III heater oso feel cold ==ll now my feets and palm r freezing cold.. *shivers* haiz.. tml comes e busiest day of e week again. to add on thu becomes my 2nd busiest day of e week. work throughout e day ~.~

-stressed out-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Sunday, November 15, 2009~~

22:22

another sunday has come.. time sure flies without waiting for anyone.. with a blink of eye 10 weeks of my attachment has gone. i can still rmb e blur me on e 1st day of work when i enter e lab.. without any clue wad is gg on but just follow instructions given to me. come to realise i have yet get e purpose of my project ==ll need to brush up n read up more..

thinking on e bright side left 10 more weeks plus 1 or 2 more weeks for project presentation n submission of reports n im free from stress till my results r out. still in dilemma whether i shld go on further my studies in sg (cuz my parents wouldnt allow me to further my studies overseas ==ll) or shld i start working.. even if i start working i dun think i can take up e job tat i have always dreamed of, as a zoologist n at e same time to work under animal conservation association or as an animal caretaker, be it to work in e zoo or e SPCA. but my dad objected wad i wanted to do as a living cuz he said 'no future' -.- i dun really mid if he does not support me but he does not give me e freedom to choose wad i want. i feel like im being controlled by him.. unable to break free from e binding chain... trapped n lost..

-facing reality-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Thursday, November 12, 2009~~

20:18

busy busy today.. not enough BSC slot cuz when i wanted to book all slots taken up so quickly >< haiz suan le i think next week oso not enough BSC slots.. today thu nia they start booking liaos den i din noe till my friend told me ~.~ went there almost all slots taken... sian -.-

after finishing work whole body start to ache like siao. lightly touch nia jiu can fell e sensation... wth... some more tml is fri e 13 =.= sure got sway things gonna happen to me.. wad matters is wad will happen to me.

-oww-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Tuesday, November 10, 2009~~

19:18

morning called supervisor to inform him tat i will be gg work late cuz i want to apply my cream n take my medicine b4 i go for work or else very ma fan if i apply over there. instead he let me rest at home o.o rested at home n e itch got better. tried calling LO alot of times but he nv ans my call. guess have to inform him tat i nv report for work thru email den.

nightmare exp. from ytd ==ll really very scared of it gg to happen again.. i may really die from itchiness from tat arthritis -.-

nth much today.. just went online to play games, played my psp n read my manga. gg to finish writing my sip logbook cuz tis sat need to show LO =.= n i just realised i forgot to summit my timesheet along with my proposal zomg

suan le ~.~ i'll summit it with e hardcopy of my proposal.. hope he nv deduct my marks for e time sheet *prays with all my heart* haiz... now need to worry abt my exp. results all pretty bad.. dunno how m i gg to write for my final report n put on my poster for presentation.. scared of presentation sia.. ltr e evaluator ask me qns tat i cant ans den my marks sure gg liao.

tml work again haiz~~ hope i dun do anything stupid again till i got my allergic reactions back lols..

-resting-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Monday, November 9, 2009~~

17:57

omg today another sway day.. nth to say

everything was as per normal but after lunch when i was washing a bottle containing 'lysis buffer', some of it splashed onto my face while i was scrubbing it. den after washing it my face got abit of itch. i tot was my hair tickling me. but not even 5 mins my face starts to have swells tat looks like mosquito bites. ITCHY!!! my whole face swells like i just got stung by mosquito. my friend ask me go wash face den after washing it gets even more itchy and more parts of my face begun to swell. nightmare sia when i see e mirror. den so itchy feel like scratching but cannot touch my face..

went to e doc straight n he told me i got some kind of arthritis (sensitive skin). applied e cream le.. still itch though.. haiz... itchy~~ i want to scratch !@!$@#! but cannot ltr got scar ~.~ haiz suan le endure it for e day n see tml how.

-scratching-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Sunday, November 8, 2009~~

14:42

Hani's rabbit (ouran high)

funny

find haruhi's weakpoint game

lol she's practically not afraid of anything except for one thing-thunder

twin's fight

*throw n throw*

Will you ever notice me...

~~Friday, November 6, 2009~~

23:40

omg today has got to be e most sway-est day ever.. so many sway things happened to me today ~.~

early in e morning almost forgot to alight at outram park station.. den at work keep doing wrong things.. after lunch got slammed by e door (accident) on my toes den just right before work end i knocked hard against a box in e cold room ==ll got so many injuries n my lower arms got 2 or ba ka dk when n how it pops out..

i tot after work end can slack at home b4 i go for my piano lesson but who noes jurong island got traffic accident den stuck inside there for an hr =.= e jam was worse den PIE or CTE traffic jams. sadly e driver died.. quite a bad crash.. saw them removing e dead body. i din realise got blood stains on e white cloth until my friend told me.

-treasure life n live it to e fullest cuz u might not noe wad will happen e next day-

Will you ever notice me...

~~Thursday, November 5, 2009~~

22:01

haiz today nth much at work. just wash wash and wash waste ~.~ smelly @_@

n there's really smth wrong with my results for my experiment omg... i hope no need redo wo bu yao redo~~

omg im getting more n more addicted to diner dash ><

*tired n sleepy+chiong proposal*

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, November 4, 2009~~

20:45

1st time using personal blog lols.. dun really noe how to start. anyways today's life at work is quite ok except for e amount of washing that i have done lols. come to think of it i think i have washed close to 100 glasswares ~.~ n sian ar my HPLC results like got prob again omg... most likely need to redo e whole experiment -.- now chionging proposal which is due tis fri oh my tian time no enough >< *continues to burn midnight oil*

Will you ever notice me...